Hi gang...been a while since I wrote an editorial, so I figured I might as well start another one. You know, I’ve talked about a lot of things around here... DBZ Cult, Women in Anime, Dubbie stuff... so I figured I’d go ahead and talk about one of the biggest things in DBZ. Hypocrisy. Been there and done that, but this is the second verse, different from the first.

First off, I’ll talk about the History of Trunks, considering how this is a Trunks site. From what I’ve heard, its a good show, definitely worth checking out. From the clips I’ve seen, the voice acting is good and (shock of shocks!) the music is good too. Now, we’ve heard everyone and their dog talk about how bad it was for FUNimation to use bands such as Master P, Slaughter, Bootsy Collins and Dream Theatre (DREAM Theatre. Not Dreamworks Theatre). I found it quite funny how someone said that FUNimation was in the wrong for using an 80’s band, such as Dream Theatre. News Flash guys- The original music is much closer to the 80’s style than Dream Theatre. Dream Theatre is a good band. I grew up in a household where MTV was THE shit. I’m talking about old school MTV that actually had music videos and the occasional cartoon/variety show/odd music thing. Yo! MTV Jams, Headbangers Ball, Remote Control, some Speed Racer...THAT was MTV. As such, I grew up on 80’s music, like Dexy’s Midnight Runners, J. Geils Band, Huey Lewis and the News, Men Without Hats...shit like that. Dream Theatre is a good band. In fact, my sister still has an original Dream Theatre cassette tape that we listen to today. The funny part is, we laugh at it today, when it was the shit back in the 80’s. I can’t WAIT until the day when everyone laughs at how gay Green Day, Nirvana, Stone Temple Pilots, Smashing Pumpkins and Garbage are. Anyhow, the music is good, no matter what the DBZ Cult tells you. Of course, pick up a copy and decide for yourself.

I guess the thing I’ll hit on next is original DBZ music. To me, its not all that. It sounds like it was made on a garage sale special JVC keyboard. “The music is blaring all the time, when there should be silence!” Nonsense. The only time there should be silence during a scene is when it convey’s extreme emotion, sets up for a surprise/scare or shows how much of a badass you are. Silence while Trunks slices up Freeza- Good move. Silence when Captain Ginyu first appears- Good deal. Silence when Freeza is mouthing off to Nail- Umm...not so good. Silence all the time kills the mood, just as much as too much music can. In fact, with the original Japanese score, the only time something sounds right is when someone is making an ass of themselves. Like when Ginyu takes over Goku’s body and walks around on his tip-toes...THAT’s comedy!

Next on the hitlist- DBZ Uncensored. Now, Chris is probably a fairly nice guy, don’t know cause I haven’t met him yet. However, he writes like an ass. First off, he does backflips when they finally call Saiyans monkeys, but gets pissy when Frieza calls Goku a primate. Umm...primates ARE monkeys or something with monkey-like qualities. Now is the time when I could say, “Open mouth, insert foot”, but I’m not that kind of person. I don’t know about you, but when Frieza made the crack about Goku being a monkey and asking where he will run to today, it was funny. Of course, the DBZ Cult doesn’t understand “American-ized” humor that everyone gets, but they laugh their asses off at huge sweatdrops on people’s heads. I think its pretty funny how he gets mad that Porunga doesn’t make mention of how he reconstructed Krillin’s body and clothes, free of charge. I’m sorry, this is important how? How does this little piece of info GREATLY CHANGE THE FACE OF DBZ FOREVER?! I mean, the same mention wasn’t made for Yamcha and Chaozu, who were blown into bits. While we are at it, have you noticed that nearly every episode has at least 3 exclamation points in the title? Very odd to say the least. My very favorite thing about Japanese DBZ is how they ruin the next episode. “Is this Goku’s end?!?!”...next episode on Dragonball Z- “Goku’s Alive!” Kinda ruins the suspense. And fuck that “well, most people had already read the manga and knew the story already, so it doesn’t hurt to give away the next episode”, no fuck you. I haven’t read the manga, so I think I have a legitimate complaint here. “The Proud Saiya-Jin Vegeta Dies”. Gee, thanks for ruining that, you peckerheads.

Another thing that really bothers me, and it really grabbed my attention to yesterday’s episode. Cell was announcing the Cell Games and Yamcha announces that he must train. Yeah, because Lord knows that if YAMCHA doesn’t train, WE ARE ALL FUCKING DOOMED. C’mon, lets be serious. Yamcha, Tein, Chaozu...might as well write them off. If your title doesn’t include “Super Saiyan” or makes a refrence to a musical instrument, you might as well not even show up.

I guess the next bit will be the voice acting. Did you notice how when nobody knew who the voice actors were, they were grade-A prime shit? But lo and behold, a few phone conversations and suddenly Chris Sabat and Sean Schemmel hung the fucking stars and the moon. You know who you are.

The last piece will be truly sad. Everyone complains how bad the DBZ dub is. Jesus, have you ever watched the Pokemon dub?! Every single fucking time that Pikachu does a Thundershock, they slow the animation for it way down and it ends up looking like shit. Or worse, they take that part out! Why? Three words- Episode Number 35. The infamous episodes where Pikachu shoots out Thunderbolts to blow up missles, causing thousands to re-enact scenes from “Saturday Night Fever” and “Breakin’ 2- Electric Boogaloo”. Okay, that was a bit of a cheap shot, but because of that one part, we get denied. Hell, I’m surprised the Gallick Gun vs. KameHameHa battle didn’t get slowed down. That thing was giving off light pulses like a streetlamp on crack. But no matter how great the comic relief on DBZ is, they will never...EVER compete with Team Rocket. Extra points if you can recite the entire thing. Super Bonus Points if you can recite the Japanese version. I assume the Japanese version rhymes in Japanese, because it sure as hell doesn’t in English.

Well, we had a few good laughs and I’m sure to receive a good amount of hate mail because of it. But only because I love you people. Writing these things is a labor of LOVE!


Until next time,
Jonathan “Underfaker” Lindsey
The Super Texa-Jin
“To ask us why is the pity of the world!” *******



First of all, I just want to respond to "I grew up in a household where MTV was THE shit." I just don't like the phrase "the shit" at all. Sorry, I just had to put that in there.

"The only time there should be silence during a scene is when it convey’s extreme emotion, sets up for a surprise/scare or shows how much of a badass you are."

Well, assuming this is all true, FUNimation NEVER follows your rules, Underfaker! Silence, as we all know, is as foreign to them as Japanese. So it's basically a moot point to point out moments when silence is effective since those moments are practically non-existant in the dub. In fact, these types of moments are the ones that ALWAYS have music blaring through... the exact moments you say deserve silence! So although your argument makes absolutely no sense at this point, at least we agree on silence being needed at some points.

"I think its pretty funny how he gets mad that Porunga doesn’t make mention of how he reconstructed Krillin’s body and clothes, free of charge. I’m sorry, this is important how? How does this little piece of info GREATLY CHANGE THE FACE OF DBZ FOREVER?! I mean, the same mention wasn’t made for Yamcha and Chaozu, who were blown into bits."

Well, I have to agree to some of this. The fact that they leave out the thing about Kuririn's restored body doesn't ruin the show. Still, it's good to know since his body and clothing are restored, and it might lead some people to believe that the hole in his armor being fixed is simply an animation goof. Yes, that argument was rather weak, but it does lead into this... The mention WAS made for Chao-zu, when Goku was first informed that he was on Kaio's planet. At first Goku thought the fourth person was Kami-sama, but they replied that Kami-sama restored Chao-zu's body. But the English version chose to leave that out. As for Yamucha... his body didn't need restoring! He was not blown to bits, his body was lying in the crater when the smoke cleared and was consequently picked up by Kame-sennin and the others in the aftermath. But this too was omitted by the dub. So how can you possibly defend a version of the show that not only nullifies your arguments but makes you look like a fool? If it wasn't so sad it would be laughable.

"My very favorite thing about Japanese DBZ is how they ruin the next episode. 'Is this Goku’s end?!?!'...next episode on Dragonball Z- 'Goku’s Alive!' Kinda ruins the suspense. And fuck that 'well, most people had already read the manga and knew the story already, so it doesn’t hurt to give away the next episode', no fuck you. I haven’t read the manga, so I think I have a legitimate complaint here. 'The Proud Saiya-Jin Vegeta Dies'. Gee, thanks for ruining that, you peckerheads."

My favorite thing about this editorial is how easy it is to rebuke practically every single word you say! Yes, the episode titles tend to give things away... the episode titles for both the Japanese AND English versions. You used Vegeta's death as your example. Perhaps you didn't notice that the English title for that episode was "The End of Vegeta". If that doesn't spoil it for you, I have no idea what will! And it's not just that. How about "Dende's Demise" and "Transformed at Last"? You call the fans of the original hypocrites for liking some synthesized music when it's the Japanese stuff but hating it when it's the dub. Well, how much less of a hypocrite are you when you complain about an aspect of the original while leaving out the detail that it's practically the same case over in the states?!

In the interest of fairness, I want to say something good about this essay of yours, but I really can't find anything. I was going to say it was well-thought out with some good arguments... but upon studying it to write my reply, I realized how easily your arguments fall apart. Not to mention that you tend to be unclear in some points. I'm still wondering what that paragraph about Yamucha training for the Cell Games had to do with anything. Is that somehow knocking the Japanese version? The dub? I... have no idea...

Finally, even though this is not the editorial I'm replying to, I just had to include something from your "Random Thoughts" as well. I am, of course, talking about your so-called "DBZ Sledgehammer of Plot".

"People, we KNOW that Nappa and Vegeta are evil. We were told they were evil and we BELIEVE it. We don’t need them to kill a few thousand people to reinterate that fact! We don’t need to see them evaporate a few cities just to know that they ARE BAD MEN. The same can be applied for Frieza saga and when he kills all the Nameks. We know that Frieza is evil, we don’t need to see his minions destroying them and their children. But no, some people feel that this needs to be hammered into our heads because we can take the subtle hint that the bad guys are BAD GUYS."

This is just the most ridiculous thing I have ever had the misfortune to read! In no story at all, does the author ever expect the reader or watcher to simply assume someone is bad. In order for someone to believe someone is bad, the "bad" person must do "bad things"! It is simply part of character description. Since this is the first thing that came to my mind, take the video game Final Fantasy VII as an example. The whole reason Sephiroth is effective as the main villain is becuase of his actions. He kills Aeris and destroys Niebelheim, just to name a few. Not only do these actions identify a character as good or evil, it also evokes audience reaction. Who wants to see an enemy die who doesn't do anything? How can you possibly say we just need to accept a villain as a villain if someone says so?! If I was to suddenly say "I'm bad!" while just sitting in my computer chair and doing nothing, do you think anybody would care?! Would the police bash in my door and arrest me? No, at the most, I'd be made fun of for imitating Michael Jackson. Bad guys must do bad things to be bad! That's why scenes of villains killing people are essential and not a "Sledgehammer of Plot".

Alright, that's about it for me. In closing, "To protect the world from devastation. To unite all peoples within our nation. To denounce the evils of truth and love. To extend our reach to the stars above! Jesse! James! Team Rocket blast off at the speed of light. Surrender now or prepare to fight! Meowth! That's right!" Yes, I'm very very embarrassed that I still remember that, but I want those points! And I'm sorry for bashing you so much. It's only because I love people! My writing is a labor of LOVE!

(This is my contest submission. Please consider it well GreatSaiyaman777.)

- >CpsuleCorp